Intimacy; we hear the word a lot in out culture these days and for good reason. We are currently in a reformation within the church that is healing hearts and mending church wounds. God is reconciling us to Himself through revelation and understanding of His nature and the good news is that the church is mostly buying into it and growing through it.
For me, my reality lies in my intimacy with God. When I am distant I am driven by my fear of exposure and the desire to please in order to be accepted. When I am close, I am sustained by the personal revelations of my Papa, knowing that He has never desired me based on my behaviour.
John rested on the heartbeat of Jesus while the disciples wondered if they were the betrayer. John stood in the intimacy, which left him in a place of revelation; he understood who he was at that moment while his friends forgot.
Let’s take a look at these scriptures and see what we can draw out of them for our lives.
After saying these things, Jesus was troubled in his spirit, and testified, “Truly, truly, I say to you, one of you will betray me. The disciples looked at one another, uncertain of whom he spoke.
This has always baffled me. They looked around at each other uncertain of who He was talking about? Wait, what? Let’s picture this for a second. You have eleven disciples sitting around a table motioning to each other about themselves. I imagine it would have sounded something like this, “Hey Matthew, did you umm maybe mention to Jesus the doubts I shared with you in private? I mean, I didn’t actually mean what I said.” Their uncertainty in this exposes something in them that at least I can relate to. It sounds like insecurity and self-doubt which inevitably stems from a doubt of both their genuine love for God and their ability to accept who they were. Except for one.
One of his disciples, whom Jesus loved, was reclining at table at Jesus’ side, so Simon Peter motioned to him to ask Jesus of whom he was speaking. So that disciple, leaning back against Jesus, said to him, “Lord, who is it?”
For the disciples at the table, there was an exposure of heart in this moment. A divine lesson took place and if we’re not careful we’ll miss what John was encountering. We see John tightly tucked in an embrace with Jesus; he was close and listening to the heart of God. I am sure he senses the pain in Jesus’ initial words. One of the disciple’s motions to John as if to say, “you are close to Him, He trusts you!” This tenderises my heart and as I type this I wish you could feel the emotion in which it stirs up in me to be close to our God. John right on cue delves deeper into intimacy with Jesus and asks the question in that place that no one else felt safe or comfortable to answer. John was sure he was not the betrayer and in my opinion, was so caught up in an embrace that the thought didn’t even cross his mind. “Lord, who is it?”
The direct result of John’s intimacy was a revelation of whom Jesus spoke of. While the disciples were busy searching their hearts to lower their anxiety levels, John was steadfast in knowing the love Jesus had for him.
Jesus answered, “It is he to whom I will give this morsel of bread when I have dipped it.” So when he had dipped the morsel, he gave it to Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot.
Where do you stand today? Are you in a state of fear driven performance Christianity? Or like John, are you resting on the heart beat of God that intentionally has a rhythm that quickens love in you? We know Jesus had hope for Judas because of the very definition of love, as found in 1 Corinthians 13; Love bears all things, hopes all things and endures all things. If only Judas allowed himself to meet with Love, things may have been different that night. But regardless, our saviour was always going to the cross in love.